Even though we all agree that property ownership is a clear vestige of white colonialism, there may be times when it’s necessary protect said colonialist vestige against threats of violence and slash or burglary.

Disclaimer: Since we all know that guns are evil in all circumstances and can never be properly wielded for self-defense, it is your moral obligation to find other, more creative ways of defending your home.

Here are seven more tips for home defense without the use of firearm.

Ask the home intruder for his vaccine card. Since the burglar is a bad guy. He will also be unvaccinated and thus not have a vaccine card. And he will be forced to leave the premises. In this house, we believe in science.

Before he can shoot, you place a flower in the barrel of his gun. This powerful symbol will show him that love is more powerful than gun. Bust out the guitar. It’s Kumbaya in time.

Inform him that he is burglarizing on stolen lands and that he must pay reparations. Now, he may continue stealing, but the reparations will compensate for the value of any lost property.

Here’s a good trick: Hide under a bed. Hide under a bed, and when the criminal walks by, grab his ankles and hold on tight. Once he’s used up his energy, remove his shoes and start tickling his feet with a feather. By the time you stop, he’ll be more scared of you than you are of him. Most of the time, this trick works.

Say Swiper every time. Stop the burglar in his tracks by saying “Swiper, no swiping!” Why don’t you say it with us?

Challenge the criminal to a rap battle. Make sure your rap includes a positive message packaged in a street friendly way.

Yo’! My name is Travis, and I am here to say that robbing homes is super not good. Now you’re going to go home and rethink your life and forever cease from causing strife. Yo’, word.

This one is very important. Keep voting for Democrats. Keep voting for Democrats Everyone knows that the safest cities with the fewest crime are run by Democrats Such as Chicago, D.C., Conclusion San Francisco, Los Angeles, and New York City, except for a very dark period in the nineties when well-known Republican drag queen Rudy Giuliani was elected causing a wave of violent crime.

So there you have it. These have been some of the most effective methods of deterring a home invader. With these techniques, they will no longer be climbing through your windows, snatching yo’ people up. Now, you can now rest peacefully at night knowing that the bad guys are at bay and that you are a morally superior person to those violent gun owners.

Source: Babylon Bee